My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
