I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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