My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
