you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
a search helicopter?!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
