My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
