how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
