He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
