She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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