a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
