So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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