After last night, I could never be a politician.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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