what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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