you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
