Joe is yelling at the trees again.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
