i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
