ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
