Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
