Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
