I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
