It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
