you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
