She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There are leaves in my underwear?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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