My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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