We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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