There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
