Where are you?
In a non slutty way
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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