Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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