My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
