hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
