In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
