I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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