He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
