Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dear god my vagina.
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