I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
