Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
