I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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