Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
