U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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