I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
