i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
