Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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