i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
