3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
