im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
