you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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