Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
