I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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