he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
