I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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