ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
